Setting Up

1-07-2009

So now I have to set up what I can for departure to A&M. I sent my e-mail to my advisor with a few syllabi asking what does and does not count. I emailed the lady in charge of the Engineering Living Learning Community to see if I'm actually part of the group seeing as how everybody in there is a freshmen and i'm.....not. I also e-mailed this guy to make sure I can move in early because there's no way I'm staying in a hotel and then taking all my shit with me to "howdy camp". Whats howdy camp? I'll get into that later I'm sure I'll have lots to write on this subject. Anyway when it comes to money it may not actually be as big of a deal as I though. apparetnly they can cover the rest of my cost of attendance (which is a measley $17,309 for one semester) with a Parent Loan for Undergraduate Students. Even though its doubtful that my mom will get approved for this. Apparently its not her credit thats fucked up its her income-outcome ratio. People just don't believe we can live the way we can with the means we have. Did nobody tell them this is modern day america, its all about living above your means. I guess credit companies dont like it (well i guess they like it they just don't trust it). But yeah even if/when she gets denied then they'll just give me the rest in unsubsidized loans. So thats a huge weight off my shoulder, because I know once I'm at texas A&M for a semester or so than I'll get plenty of scholarships to pay off all these loans.  So yeah step 1 of operationg get the fuck out of north carolina is complete (actually this isn't step 1 step 1 was a long time ago when i first applied ahh whatever you get the point) I feel accomplished so I'm just going to jack it the rest of the day (not literally you dirty minded people....well....maybe a little)....two fingers 

One Week

1-06-09

So its now officially one week before I'm suppose to leave. This is the part where I am suppose to scream (rishuan you should get that). But I'm not. Maybe its because I've been waiting for this for so long. I put Texas University on my SAT when I took it in the 10th grade (I so thought I was a beast because I was the youngest but then I ended up taking it latter part of senior year being the oldest...don't know which way to go though I beasted both times) If you mix and match mine then I got a 2100 and everybody is amazed by this completely stupid system of grading. I'll have to get into that in another blog (Probably when people start getting their college admissions). Anyway back to the point. Its been 4 years since I took my first SAT and there were many many times where I thought I would not get here. The way I actually am getting here is in the worst possible way. If I had m way I would still be in NC at NC State (never thought I would EVER say that) If I was truly smart as everyone claims I am I would be NC A&T getting my education paid for (and then some) while simultaneously being there for my son. But in some crazy mix of events of me being stupid while always tending to my self centered ways I'm going to Texas A&M University in one week. There are many things to be done before I leave.  Most important thing is figuring out about money since I still have no idea how I'm going to afford my first semester at Texas A&M. Theres e-mails to be sent regarding my housing and transfer credit. There's dreadful packing to do. I started my goodbyes yesterday I'll have to finish those up before I leave. So much to do and I'll probably spend most of today just lying here...thinking...about what? wouldn't you like to know. Well you already do just keep reading in the next days and you'll figure out soon enough. 

Goodbyes Begin

01-05-09
So I started my first goodbyes today as people are heading back to college. If you think I'm starting to get sad and rethink everything then you obviously don't know me. I'm horrible with goodbyes, I'm horrible with staying in touch. I put the blame on my military upbringing so I'm just use to moving away from people and never speaking to them again but never forgetting them either. I remember all my best friends from pretty much every place I've lived. I may not remember their name but I have some memory with them a birthday party, school moments, something that I always think of when I'm reminded of that place (or my mom goes into one of her many stories of my childhood, I'm under the firm impression that my mother had children for the sheer reasons of helping her out with housework and so she could tell random strangers stories from when they were little). That's how I'm going to view this. Though I doubt I'll forget names any time soon because so many people helped me so much. But I know for the important people I'll see them again and for the others well they won't think of me much anyway so no hurt feelings over there. Speaking of hurt feelings I rarely, if ever say I miss people. My philosophy is if I'm not sleeping with you then I'm not going to miss you. I know you might think thats heartless or whatever but I won't miss my own mom. I just don't long for people in that sort of way. I have the type of personality that I can make new friends pretty easily and I have the type of memory where I just don't forget (see earlier in post). Back in the day it was just because I didn't care really about anybody so thats why I never missed people. Now though I just hope people are happy, that they're busy, that if they're fucking up they're learning, and that they're better off without me. I still have that mindset and you can argue against it or call it “emo” (which will launch me into another discussion) but that's just the way I feel...that's not changing anytime soon. Since I left NC state you know the one person I've missed (besides the obvious) its not Jeff, Julie, or Mike (sorry guys) but Tony for the reason that Tony was up at 3 oclock in the morning when everyone else had gone to bed and I could just stand in the hallway with Tony and discuss the craziest of things. Sometimes it was serious sometimes we were just goofing around but you know in the middle of the night is when I feel the most alone. Usually I just go outside and around this time I'm probably sitting outside no stars usually in nearly complete darkness and just thinking how pretty much everybody is just asleep. Whether their day was shitty or fantastic, whether they're living the life or going through rough times at least now they're asleep their body and the conscious part of their mind is at rest. While me I'm out and about thinking about all the shit I've done wrong and everything I've fucked up and how I don't even deserve to be here. Yeah the middle of the night is the toughest part of my day. But tony not only made it bearable it was almost enjoyable until it was like 5:30-6 in the morning and he's like shit I need to go to bed and then I go outside and the sun is just starting to crack the skyline and I know I've made it another day and I get that tiny sliver of hope that one day I'll be ok...alright this is getting a lot sadder than I intentioned. I'm not done with goodbyes I still don't leave for a couple of weeks so maybe I'll get a bit deeper into it right before I leave until then...two fingers(I mean until 2morow when I post not until I leave).

Sunday Special

01-04-09
So every sunday a special kind of post will be put up. I'll put up a post that I feel very strongly about Whether that's religion, politics, abortion, or whether oodles and noodles is the greatest invention in the last century. If people are actually reading my blog these are going to be the ones I want the most comments on. I'll do it on sunday because sunday nights is when most people have nothing to do and are randomly facebooking and procrastinating on homework. Obviously since I'm a bum these first couple will not have anything but I really hope for the very few people who do read my blogs, that these will provoke some thought and I don't know, keep us close and talking rather than you updated. 

Target

01-03-09
So today was my last day at Target thank Jehovah...yes I said Jehoavah. I've worked in a variety of places. A casual restaurant, IHOP, an upscale joint, Bravo, a laid back fun restaurant, Texas Roadhouse, a job where you literally just sat there and ran a cash register and watching some cool and some badass little kids. Side note badass is a unique term that when you put it in front the word children or kids it automatically is understood to have a negative connotation but before or after pretty much anything else it has a positive connotation. Thought I'd point that out. Anyway I'm not going to put target at the bottom of my list but it certainly doesn't go at the top. Also let me state that Target will be the last menial job I have. My job was to pull all of the stock of the front of the shelf for better presentation and easier access for the customers. Occasionally I helped people find something they were looking for. Seeing as how I worked over the holidays most of the things people were looking for we were out of. Now I know I'm not a business major but I have to basic theory of supply and demand down I would like to think. Now if demand spikes at a particular time of the year especially an anticipated time of year shouldn't supply also increase. You cannot tell me its a matter of production because this is america in the age of technology we can produce an H-bomb in weeks if not days and you're saying we cannot produce enough wii fits that we're not out EVERYDAY. Enough elmos so moms aren't literally coming to fist fights in toys r us. Enough bakugan (which I still have to have someone explain to me) so that the price doesn't jump 1000% on Ebay. Who does that really help except the already wealthy? I think the stores and the companies and the people would all benefit. So simply overstock during the holidays and then cut back right after (and people will still buy with gift cards and christmas money) and then by march you could go back to normal stocking. I'm sure there are some logistics that I'm oblivious to because my plan just sounds too easy and perfect to actually be able to be to work so if you know of them please let me know if not I'll ask some business or marketing major in the near future. Anyway I'm really tired of just not making any type of difference in the world. Yeah everyone makes a difference with everything they do. Well sorry I actually want a sense of satisfaction when I do something seeing as how I'm coming off feeling like shit for the past 6 months. So sorry delivering food to an asshole business man, sliding a card for some munchies for a high college kid, or pulling those toys to the front of the shelf so some badass kid (there it goes again) can knock it down really doesn't give me a sense of satisfaction. So that's why I've changed my dreams from living the american dream (9-5, family, paid vacation, all that jazz) to doing research in artificial intelligence. Along with the research I'll be teach college kids probably some basic courses in computer science. Though I probably won't make as much money as I would being a software engineer and working my way up the ladder I think this will provide much more satisfaction in my life and I should be able to still have the things I want. But yeah I'm going to do undergraduate research, be an RA, be a tutor anything but work at Mcdonalds or some place. But who knows if money doesn't fall right I may just start selling crack or something (I wonder how much people smoke weed in texas in comparison to NC...I'll have to find out). But yeah now I'm done at target and only 2 weeks until I leave for Texas....yay!!! (ahh whatever) 

I'm not a grinch or a scrooge I just hate the fucking holidays

01-02-09

I believe the difference is that I don't ruin other people's holidays I just personally hate it. There are many reasons I hate the holidays. I'll just go through the big ones. I'm going to say my start of the "holiday season" is halloween. I hate halloween only for the fact that I'm at the worst age for it. Most people my age dress up and go get drunk and then walk around outside. Ok first all the girls are dressed like sluts which I feel its stupid that there's a day on the calendar where its ok to dress like a slut and laugh about it yet any other time you'll talk shit about a person dressed like that on a normal friday/saturday night, I don't drink and its fucking cold outside so doing the "norm" is out of the question. I'm too old to trick or treat and my son is absolutely adorable in his costume but lets face it my son is absolutely adorable in pretty much anything and he doesn't care about the candy he's just running around. Also let me proclaim right here I will NEVER be a parent that drives his kid around for trick or treating. You get out and walk the streets for candy like the hooker you are (ahhh get the irony because I was talking about girls dressing like supersluts....ahhh whatever). Then thanksgiving. Now this past thanksgiving was actually one of the best in recent memory. I ate with my family and Jeff (who's pretty much part of the family anyway) at my house then we went to my ex girlfriends (weird I know but I love her family) and stayed over there ate played board games and watched football. It was a lot of fun. But most of the time we bounce around to other families' thanksgivings and I can only pack away so much mac & cheese. Then my family isn't close (physically or figuratively) so I never see them or anything so its always just my mom my brother my godmother and me. Not much of a thanksgiving. Yeah I know its all about giving thanks for what you have but I'm one of those people that thinks you should do that everyday and not just 1 out of 365. Which leads into my most hated holiday Christmas. Yes I hate christmas. First it doesn't even make sense, everybody (even the OD religous people) pretty much agrees that its impossible that Dec 25th is Jesus' birthday but yet we still go to midnight mass and pretend it is. Then if you want to go with the St nick who use to leave gifts for kids in their shoes ok...so how do we get from that to the sheer madness that Christmas is today...I know capitalistic America, I hate it. Or you can go with what I think is the most likely answer is that it derives from christians trying to combat the pagan decmber holidays so as usual came up with some bullshit gave it some moral background and declared it true. You can look this up at www.thehistoryofchristmas.com and www.historyofchristmas.net if you're really really bored. Then I've already gone through my family not being close and I never get good gifts. My mom goes shopping like 5 months before christmas and never gets me anything on my list or does something like this past year where my christmas gift was paying for housing deposit and everything. I'm very appreciative of that and all but that's nothing to wake up on christmas morning to. Other things have included paying for my class ring, getting a laptop on black friday, another laptop on black friday, and an OD digital camera that wasn't wrapped(a nice thought but how many pictures do I take go check my facebook and go through my photos discount the ones of my son(because I got the camera before he was even thought of) and how many are taken by me? its hard to take pictures of people when you hate people). I mean they're all nice things that I greatly appreciated but like I said nothing to wake up on christmas morning to, which is suppose to be what its all about. But really I hate the bittersweetness of everyone's demeanor around this holiday where everyone's "so nice". Now hold up before you go hating on me for hating that people are nice let me ask you something. Back in the BC days around this time of year masters and slaves switched roles. Now does switching roles with the slave lets say a week (and that's being generous) does that make up for the other 51 weeks of the year where the master treated the slave like shit. Also the slave knew it was going to go back to being a slave so it couldn't enjoy it too much or their might be reprucussions. Anyway fast forward to today where charities are overflowed with donations over the holidays do people really think december is the only month these charities are open? How does giving a poor child an ipod help when its highly doubtful they have a computer and in a few months they'll probably have to sell it to put food on the table while your back to living your comfy life. Look I'm not saying don't ever be nice i'm saying be nice all the time and if your not nice then don't try to put on some front like your some great righteous person just because its the month of december. Just be your normal asshole self and enjoy your life as is. That's just my opinion. Now these are the holidays I really there's only 2 holidays that I actually look forward to each year. My birthday (yes its a holiday in my book) and valentine's day (what?). Well my birthday is the one day that's all about me (as really every day should be but I'll take my one day and milk the shit out of it). Its one day where the world excuses me for being my asshole self and hey if the world wants to do it who am I to deny them that pleasure. But yeah I get gifts and everybody pays attention to me and although I have yet to get laid on my birthday you still get special treatment from girls. So what's to hate about a birthday? Then valentines day, if you know me I'm a very sentimental person(aka a little bitch) so I put a lot of thought, time, effort, and if I have it, money into my valentines gifts. Even if you don't have a significant other its the perfect time to start something up or appreciate a friend of the opposite sex and if you do have a significant other than that is guaranteed get some night (although I have wondered if its that "time of the month" for the girl, I guess if you're comfortable with it you work around it or work through it but if you're not comfortable with it than what do you do?) Anyway this year both of those holidays aren't looking too hot. My birthday will come up 3 weeks after being texas so what are random people going to do for me except say "hey happy birthday how old are you wow 20". And its on a friday too. I'll probably just ask someone I become cool with to take me to a movie (even though I hate going to movies when everyone else goes) just so I'm not just jakking it in my dorm on my birthday (ahhh get it jakking it and I was talking about never getting laid on my birthday...ahh whatever). But yeah and then a week after that is valentines day (which is another reason I like these holidays.. they're proximity to each other). I'm calling I won't have anyone to share that with either. But its cool next year I turn 21 on Saturday and valentines day is on a sunday (which means guarenteed no class) and I'll OD then. So to hating the holidays this year and to beast moding next year.....AWAY!!

Finally.....A POST!!!!!

01-01-09

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! First let me apologize for the long delay, I was just being lazy. But now that it's all good. I'm typing now with my program that came with my OD operating system that lets me type was my voice. Yeah I'm that lazy. Anyway, onto the first blog.

Happy new year! I'm sure a lot of you out there had a lot of fun. I actually had more fun than I would have thought. Playing star wars monopoly and listening to old school rap videos, that is the way to bring in the new year. There are several reasons I hate the new year. The first you could probably guess a few it's an excuse for people to get wasted and make out with a stranger but that is not even what I hate most about it. I think people get the word resolution with the word declaration. To have a resolution is to have a plan you cannot just say " in 2009 I'm going to be happy" and not have any sort of plan. Because then what's the point? I can say that in june, July, October, really you can do a resolution or declaration anytime but the points of a new year's resolution is your suppose to actually carry out in my personal opinion that requires having a plan being ready for challenges and having good motivational reasons to do so. Without these you may start off great but you will immediately fall off and forget by spring break falling right back into your same ways. I'm not one to just hate though. I'll give you a few of what I think our real resolutions (of course they are my resolutions). 

In 2009 JD DeVaughn-Brown will....

1. Obtain a 4.0 GPR...that's right straight A's. New place, new school, and from my research Texas A&M's engineering program is easier than NC State's. There's many motivations for this. The first is to Texas A&M is kind of like getting something I wanted under the most horrible of circumstances. So I want to make the most of it. Also I need money to pay off all these loans no better way to qualify for scholarships than with a perfect GPA. Finally I have to desire to go to graduate school at MIT so I think I have played my cards right and I'm through all the BS courses so now I can just go into semi-interesting courses and actually do the work for it. 

2.Help out young people. Well first I live in a primarily freshmen dorm so they'll help me with learning about Texas A&M, College Station, and Texas in general and in turn I'll help them with the introductory classes and other young people stuff (like that wasn't me a year ago but I was never the typical "college freshmen" so I think I have some great knowledge to partake young students. But also I would like to become a tutor and I know next winter I'll be coaching a little basketball team if given the opportunity I'll do that this summer as well. Finally I would like to get some anti-suicide/depression organization started on campus. My plan is to just give high school/middle school students a young mentor to talk to about what parents and older people call "trivial" but means the world to them. Nobody understands that better than people who lived through that 5 years ago and came through it and went on to succeed. Other ideas may come to me but those are just a few. 

3. Gain to 10-15 lbs of muscle. Yeah I'm really tired of being made fun of being skinny (which i feel is a shame but that's another whole blog which will come). But also I have potential I have decent strength already and definition i just don't have bulk. So I signed up for this online dudes youtube vieos and he sends you emails and all this stuff giving you advice on everything from what to eat to when to work out to after work out sessions and everything in between. I talked with the buff people I personally know (shout outs to Tony and Jeffrey) to get more tips. So i'm going to follow their tips. I will sign up for a weight training class at Texas A&M so i can be on a set regimen. Once I get enough money I'll buy the muscle milk and vitamins and all that shit. 

There's other stuff I want to do in 2009 but those things are just that... things I want to do they're not resolutions there are no plans associated with them its either I'll do them or I won't. So what are your resolutions? What do you want to accomplish in 2009?